


Dear Sam

by PessoasLily



Series: The Letters [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Serial Killers, Letters, M/M, Pining, Stanford Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-28
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-07-18 13:54:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16119827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PessoasLily/pseuds/PessoasLily
Summary: Sam needed time. Dean is trying to give him some.





	Dear Sam

Dear Sammy,

I know why you left without saying goodbye. I get that you’re pissed. You shouldn't have found out like that. It wasn't how it was supposed to go. I tried telling you a thousand times but you were so moody, so angry, always fighting with Dad. I didn't want you to have to worry about one more thing. You were so happy when you got your acceptance letter. I thought maybe I wouldn't have to tell you. But then you had the big fight with dad and he almost hit you. When he said all those things about me, about us…well, you know what happened. 

And I get why you didn't come to the funeral. I didn't feel like going myself but there was so much pressure from Ellen and Bobby. They've made calls, looked into hunts that were happening in the area. They say things don't add up. It couldn't have happened like I say it did. You see I had to go. I needed to keep them from looking too closely. I know you'll understand when you're not so angry.

The things dad was saying about me. I want you to know that was never your fault. There's something in me that ain't right. You knew it. Dad knew it. Bobby and Ellen suspect it. But it's always been there and no matter how hard I try to cut it out, it stays put. It's something I need to do. I know you won't understand that and I get why you won't take my calls. I just want you to know you have nothing to worry about. I'd never hurt you. I'd never let anyone hurt you.

I know you don't want to see me but I miss you like crazy. That's probably the last thing you what you want to hear. After what I said. About how I feel. I just wish things were different. If things could go back to the way they were before you knew how I felt, before you found out about the things I’ve done. But then dad would still be alive and I wouldn't wish him back into our lives for anything. It had to be this way. I know you see that.

I'm leaving Lawrence after everything with dad is settled. The police had me in for questioning, nothing too serious. They said I shouldn't leave the area for a while, that they may have more questions. I'm not worried. Dad taught us how to cover our tracks. I may need to use a new alias. That's why the letter says it's from Dean Smith. The PO Box is new too.

I made you up a set of new papers and ID cards just in case. I know you said you had to go. But if you ever change your mind, I thought you'd make a fine Sam Wesson. I used that photo I took of you when we were trying out your new camera. It looks real good. We had fun that day.

I remember what you said. About me coming to California with you. About the life we could have. You don't know how tempted I was. You said you felt the same. That we are alike. But don't you see, Sammy? How can we be alike when I'm in love with you? I know I shouldn't say it. I know you don't want to hear it. But it's true. What kind of life could we build with that hanging over us?

As for the other thing. About the kinds of things I like to do. Dad was telling the truth. We could blame how we grew up, hunting things that never hurt a soul, but I know it goes deeper than that. Dad thought he was teaching us to hunt monsters and ended up raising one. I don't feel bad though. Not about that.

I feel bad about hurting you.

~~I want you to know~~

~~I'll call when~~

~~I'm always going to be here for you~~

I miss you. You have my number. Call when you're ready.

Love,

Dean


End file.
